My favorite part of being married is seeing my sweet man’s secret sides, and letting him see mine.

I get to see him with bed head and unshaven. Barefoot and making our morning coffee. I get to his face illuminated by the screen of his iPad when we watch a movie late at night after we put the kids to bed.

We have mumbled conversations in the middle of the night when one of us has a bad dream. We fall back asleep with my head in the spot that fits perfectly under his shoulder.

I’ve seen him cry. I’ve seen him laugh so hard he can barely breathe. I’ve seen him so angry I thought his head might explode. I fall asleep to the rhythmic sounds of his snoring breathing.

I sit next to him at the kitchen table when he is wearing nothing but a t shirt and boxers. I wash and fold those same boxers. He pulls my long hair out of our bathroom drain. He makes my coffee and tea ridiculously sweet, much sweeter than he would ever make for himself–because he knows I love it.

He pulls out my balled-up socks, tangled in our sheets. He knows that I wear them because I go to bed with freezing feet that somehow turn burning hot around 4am. He lets me tuck my freezing feet in between his ankles. He thinks my toes are cute. (they’re not)

He sees me with no makeup, smeared makeup, bleary-eyed. He sees me under-caffeinated and flustered. He doesn’t care which outfit I choose because he thinks I look pretty in anything. He has willingly bought the same brand of flip-flops as me every single year for five years. We somehow stumbled upon an unspoken agreement to shop for them right as the wildflowers start to dot grass next to the Texas highways. I see him slip his feet into them as he cooks us dinner or chases one of the kids.

Everyone else sees us showered and focused and guarded. They get ‘everything’s fine’ and ‘what can I do for you.’ They don’t us sick or sad or sobbing. When we are out in the world we are able to be our strong public selves because we know when we get home we can fall into the sanctuary that we have created together.

Never settle for someone who will hold your soft sides against you…